
When in my life have I felt the most alone?
I bet you think I'm going to say when I was imprisoned by Marius and tortured...but that was nothing compared to how utterly alone I felt at one other, more important time.
The time that felt completely and utterly alone? It was the time after Lancelot had been taken by Gerard.
We thought that Lancelot was dead and Arthur and I were comforting each other. Then he left to take care of some things. When he came back...his whole demeanor had changed. He was acting strange and then told me he knew Lancelot was alive and that he was going to rescue him. I started to follow and he ordered me to stay behind. I didn't understand why he was acting like this. He knew I was one of his best warriors. He needed me with him, it was a trap and we both knew it.
Then I found out why he was giving me orders.
Arthur didn't trust me.
He had found out about the second meeting with Gerard and how Gerard had kissed me. Of course, whomever told him about that had neglected to tell Arthur that I had pulled away and that it had been Gerard that initiated the kiss. Because of this, Arthur was suspicious of me. After all, it was after we had worked up the plan to lure out Gerard that I had been seen outside the walls with him. Arthur thought the unthinkable.
He thought that I had been the reason Lancelot had been kidnapped. He blamed me and he didn't trust me.
I was devastated, but I wasn't about to let Arthur be trapped in another game of Gerard's. So, I collected warriors frm my tribe and I showed up at Gerard's encampment.
In order to prove my loyalty and innocence...and in order to save the two men I loved more than anything, I challenged Gerard to a death duel. One of us had to kill the other. If I won, Arthur and Lancelot would be free to go.
On that battleground, I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. Lancelot was unconscious and Arthur believed the worst about me. In my eyes, I had nothing but their freedom and safety to live for...whether I would ever again be with them or not.
I was facing down my death that day, and I was totally and completely alone. There was no one who could help me then. No one was allowed to interfere. With every wound I sustained and every blow I took, I was reminded that I had caused my husband to lose trust in me. When Gerard knocked me to the ground that last time and stood over me, I knew I was going to die. I was alone with just him and that's how I was going to die. There was no one there to hold me as my life's blood drained away.
I had never ever felt more alone than I had in that moment.
Word Count: 509
Muse: Guinevere
Fandom:"King Arthur"; Misc Movies and Mythologies