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loved_by_twoMy Dearest Guinevere---
Only, you are rarely called by your full name right now, are you? You are called merely "Guin" or "Firespark" in this, your sixteenth summer. Only two call you Guinevere right now and in a few years many will call your name.
Where do I start in telling you so many things? I seek to ease your way and tell you of the things we will have learned and will continue to learn.
The first and most important thing I would teach you is to never feel shame in the person you are. Yes, others of the peoples are frightened of you, but that is not something to hang your head in shame over. You will become who you are meant to be and you must feel pride in that. You are the first woman of the Celtic people and you have duties and responsibilities to the people, to your father and to the land itself. Yet, please do not forget that you also have responsibilities to yourself. You cannot be all things all of the time, and there is no shame in letting yourself react or feel once in awhile. Do not close yourself up deep within yourself, even though I know how hard it will be not to. First and foremost, you are a living flame and you deserve to be true to that fact. Let yourself react to things, let yourself show emotions. Doing so will not make you any less of a warrior. There will come a day when you find a deep and soulful love and they will love you for everything that you are.
Secondly, whilst our father is a very wise and powerful man, he is not always right. He will have the best of the intentions, but he will not always know what the cost his actions may have in the future. He loves you dearly, darling Guin, and has many plans for you. All I can ask is that you don't acquiesce to everything he wishes of you unless that you indeed feel it is in the right for you and who you are. Please, Guin, do not let your love for your father blind you to the ways of the land. Do not let his convictions always speak for you. If you do not feel strong about something, do not take that action. Our father is right in that you have a great destiny to fulfil, but believe me when I say it should never take the place of the person you wish to be. You can fulfil your destiny without betraying yourself.
There will be one who loves you deeply and will brave the wrath of Merlin to claim you as his own. I will not caution you against his love as it is a true feeling. Accept the love freely given, but with the realization that things will not be as you wish them to be. You will be caught between him and your father, and things will never be the same again. In an instant, you will make a fateful choice, and that choice will haunt you many years afterwards. He will hold you to his heart, but also blame you for his pain.
Most Romans are not to be trusted, Guin. However, it will be the cruel and torturous actions of one Roman that will lead you to the eyes and hearts of the two men that you have spent countless years watching and will love until the day you die. Embrace them both as they will balance you out, and will act as a balm between the two of them. The King and the Dark Knight are the two whom your father has spoken of in your future as far back as you can remember.
These two are very stubborn and obstinate, Guin. They are both two edges of the very same blade. Please, try not to be too hurt when Lancelot cuts you with his glares or tells you that he would have left you in your prison with Marcus. He doesn't mean it. Your presence among the knights of Sarmatia and their commander with cut Lancelot like one of your daggers. Be kind to him, Guinevere. He is very much in love with Arthur and the fact that Arthur seems to share the same feelings for you as you do for him will hurt him deeply. Lancelot is a good and loving man, Guin. Do not be afraid to show him your fire...and don't be afraid to try to earn his respect. As for Arthur, he has a hard road ahead of him and isn't quite as sure of himself as he likes to make his men think he is. Be patient with him, my dear Guin. He takes a great deal upon himself and takes the blame for actions that are not his own. He loves Lancelot as much as the Dark Knight loves him. He will worry that he is not good enough for Lancelot, or for you and he will torment himself with the feelings he has but will not act upon. It will be your love that acts as a bridege between them, Guinevere. I know you don't understand that at this time, but know that you will love both of them very deeply and you MUST tell them BOTH as soon as you become aware of your feelings.
Times will not always be easy and there will be very few days in the beginning where the three of you will be allowed to be safe and happy in your love for each other. Please, and I cannot stress this enough, please understand that it will not be your doing. When things get hard, do not be so quick to assume that you are coming between the two men that you love. Having thoughts like these and blaming yourself for things that you cannot change will do nothing but cause them, and yourself, pain and despair. Thinking that you do not belong and seeking to bring them closer together and then disappear into the war-torn lands will do nothing but cause them anguish and lead you to your death needlessly. No matter what happens or what it seems like to you, Guinevere, Arthur and Lancelot do indeed love you very much and want you with them. You will become a very deep part of them and they will not want you to remove your presence from their lives. Do not act the part of the martyr, Guinevere. It will do nothing but cast mud on the feelings that they have for you and make them think you love them less.
Do not doubt your importance to them, Guin, and do not allow them to doubt their importance to you. I know you, and I know you will do everything to protect them...but quit trying to protect them from yourself. They will know that when the wars come, you will fight to the death for them...but they need to know your love in times where there is no blood as well. Yes, when someone from your past comes forward to threaten your future your first instinct will be to do this on your own and protect them from these dangerous shadows. Go to them! Tell them! Tell them of Gerard. Tell them everything. They can help...and it will prevent misunderstandings, distrust and uncalled-for bloodshed. Do not try to take care of the threat Gerard poses to them on your own, confide in them. Yes, I know right now that it is hard to believe or understand that Gerard will one day betray you, but, Guinevere, he will. He will betray you and he will align himself with Saxon raiders...who will try to use you to make Lancelot and Galahad drop their weapons. Try to get away from the knife before it slices into your throat. Yes, my dear Guinevere, Gerard will allow someone to draw your blood. Go to Arthur and Lancelot when Gerard threatens to kill Lancelot if you do not meet with him. Do not go to the second meeting and do not allow that kiss...
The battle on Badon Hill will be a turning point in your life Guinevere. I tell you now, do NOT attack Cynric face to face on the battlefield for the pain he will cause those you care for. Do not face him in close quarter combat, do NOT! If you must attack the bastard, stay on the fringes until you can get a clean shot with your bow. If you do not follow my advice, you will cause Arthur to come close to losing the man that holds his soul. Lancelot will leave a safe battle to come to your aid and Cynric will fire a bolt from his crossbow into his chest. I held Lancelot on that battlefield, Guin. I felt his life ebbing away and I screamed at him to hold on. I held him, fighting to keep him with us and I watched my tears fall onto his face. You do NOT want to experience that fear, that loss, Guin. Trust me on this. There is nothing more painful than to let one of the two men you love fall into his own blood because he had been trying to save you.
If you find that you cannot avoid battle with Cynric, make sure that you draw him to the edge of the battle so that niether Lancelot or Arthur are able to see what will happen. I know you feel that you can beat anyone in battle, and for the most part you can. However, you cannot defeat Cynric. He is bigger, more powerful and more knowledgeable in the type of war you will be waging on that Hill. If your stubborness and pride will not allow you to avoid the Saxon, then please, by all of the Ancestors, do not let those dear men see you face your death. Do not put them through that pain and that anguish.
I don't know what more I can tell you, except to be honest and aware when it comes to the way you interact with the King and the Dark Knight. They love you as much as you love them. They will want to protect you as much as you want to protect them. Let them. Show the same respect for their feelings for you as you would expect them to show for yours. Do not avoid them or hide when things get tough and you do not understand what is happening between the three of you. Talk to them, comfort them, and allow them to comfort you.
Remember these things I have learned and also continue to learn from those experiences. Share those experiences and dreams with Arthur and Lancelot. If you stick together through all of this, I am confident that the three of you will make it through and cdome out all the stronger for it. Hold on to your love, Guinevere --- your love for them and their's for you. Do not allow your pride, your stubborness or your fears cast a cloud on what the three of you will have when you are with one another. Do not allow their worries or fears to cause dissent between you, either. Hold on to both of them and make sure to communicate clearly with them. You cannot hope to know what the other is thinking or feeling unless you keep the fires of communication open between all through of you.
If you remember to do all of these things, the three of you will be the best caretakers that this land has ever had. Love each other, hold each other and stand strong with each other. If you do these things, none can ever come between you.
Honour yourself and also your ancestors. Honour Arthur and honour Lancelot.
In Love and Cherished Memories,
Queen Guinevere of Briton
Words: 2,004
Muse: Guinevere
Fandom: "King Arthur" Movies and Mythologies
