loved_by_two: (Time May Change : Pottermania)
[[Occurs after this scene.]]



After she left Arthur and Lancelot, Guinevere wandered the grounds for a very long time. She spent a lot of time alone with her thoughts since the battle on Badon Hill. She often relived the battle in her mind and counted the costs of everything that had happened.

Arthur had almost lost Lancelot.

She still didn't know why Lancelot had come to her aid and she hadn't had a chance to ask him about it. It had been a surprise because she had been positive that Lancelot hated her and hadn't wanted her around them. When he and Arthur had rescued her, Lancelot had seemed reluctant to have anything to do with her. Arthur had been kind and caring...

She had been drawn to him since she had first seen him through those bars in that Roman hell she had been in for so long. There was a sadness in his eyes that she wanted to soothe.

Fighting side by side with he and Lancelot on the ice... that's when things started getting confusing in her mind.

Lancelot...

Guinevere shook her head as she walked along the battlements. She had no right to feelings like that. She had a duty... a duty to a people that didn't trust her loyalty and a duty to a new king that she was feeling pulled into more and more.

A king that she was supposed to be wed to...and who didn't seem too thrilled at the prospect. Not that she could blame him. They barely knew each other, yet Merlin continued to press that they were the destined rulers of this new Briton.

"Yet no one has asked Arthur what he thinks about all of these destinies that were being placed before him." she said softly, leaning on the wall and looking out over the darkening land.

Guinevere shook her head. This was all so confusing and volatile... and now these blasted trials.

She knew how the trials usually happened. She had seen a few of them... but this was the first time she was involved directly in them. This was also the first time people she cared about were being pushed into the trials.

Lancelot and Tristan were still recovering from their wounds and Gawain was still nursing his rage about everything that had happened.

The battle had been violent and bloody and the knights had almost lost two of their own. Sometimes, she got the idea that her presence was like scraping a raw woulnd open again and again.

So, she spent a great deal of time alone or wandering and talking to the people of the woods. It was a little strange to her to be free again and she was trying to reacquaint herself with her life and the soul of the land.

She was kind of a stranger in both places.

"They will push him and push him until he snaps and then the land will be lost," she said as she shook her head. "He will be a good king, I ahve sene this... Merlin has seen that and so much more. So, why are they insisting on these trials?"

As she spoke, she really didn't expect an answer, but she needed to speak the words and try to make sense out of what was happening around her.
loved_by_two: (Guine Living Life : Dea_Liberty)
Guinevere sat on the highest of the walls and looked down out over the forest. Her hip was still on fire, but she hadn't wanted to go to one of the healers and be faced with them summoning Arthur or Lancelot. She wasn't prepared to deal with the anger again from the two of them. The look from Lancelot and the things Arthur had said to her had made the wound in her heart even deeper. Instead of responding to the hurtful and unkind things Arthur had said to her, she had let him walk away, not letting the tears fall until all of the knights were gone. She had no right to call him back, no right to argue his words. Maybe they were both right about her.

She needed someone to talk to, to confide in, but she couldn't seek out Arthur, obviously. She had already caused him enough pain. From the way she saw things in the meeting, Lancelot wouldn't want to see her right now, and Tristan...as much as she loved him like a brother, his first loyalty would always be to Arthur and the knights, and she could respect that. In fact, she wouldn't have it any other way. She didn't think Galahad would even want to talk to her...and she definitely couldn't go to Vanora. She thought briefly of seeking out Evelyn, but she was very much focused on trying to find a way to get her and her husband back to their own time. She wasn't sure she could send for her father and confide in him as his disappointment in failing in her duty as first woman of their people would be the final blade in her heart.

She was very much alone right now. She didn't think she had felt so alone since the time she had to decide if her love for Lancelot or her duty to the kingdom meant more to her.

That time...that time she had chosen love...and look at the tension it had caused between her and those she loved. Again, she had thought that she was doing something to help and it had almost gotten Lancelot killed.

Guinevere shook her head and leaned on the wall. The night was chilly, but she didn't want to return to her rooms and get changed into something besides the bloody battle leathers she was wearing. Arthur would be in his study and she just couldn't deal with more hurt from him right now---especially since she knew she deserved his anger. She would just storm in and confront him and...make things worse. There were reasons she was a warrior and not a healer. She would only end up hurting him more and she couldn't bear to do that, not to Arthur. The last thing she had ever wanted to was hurt Arthur...or make him feel that she didn't want to be with him. She loved him so much and to know that she had made him feel alone...that made her ill.

She hung her head and tried to make sense out of everything that had happened in the last few weeks.


She had never felt more out of place here than she did now. )
loved_by_two: (Sadness : Fox_Glove Icons)
When in my life have I felt the most alone?

I bet you think I'm going to say when I was imprisoned by Marius and tortured...but that was nothing compared to how utterly alone I felt at one other, more important time.

The time that felt completely and utterly alone? It was the time after Lancelot had been taken by Gerard.

We thought that Lancelot was dead and Arthur and I were comforting each other. Then he left to take care of some things. When he came back...his whole demeanor had changed. He was acting strange and then told me he knew Lancelot was alive and that he was going to rescue him. I started to follow and he ordered me to stay behind. I didn't understand why he was acting like this. He knew I was one of his best warriors. He needed me with him, it was a trap and we both knew it.

Then I found out why he was giving me orders.

Arthur didn't trust me.

He had found out about the second meeting with Gerard and how Gerard had kissed me. Of course, whomever told him about that had neglected to tell Arthur that I had pulled away and that it had been Gerard that initiated the kiss. Because of this, Arthur was suspicious of me. After all, it was after we had worked up the plan to lure out Gerard that I had been seen outside the walls with him. Arthur thought the unthinkable.

He thought that I had been the reason Lancelot had been kidnapped. He blamed me and he didn't trust me.

I was devastated, but I wasn't about to let Arthur be trapped in another game of Gerard's. So, I collected warriors frm my tribe and I showed up at Gerard's encampment.

In order to prove my loyalty and innocence...and in order to save the two men I loved more than anything, I challenged Gerard to a death duel. One of us had to kill the other. If I won, Arthur and Lancelot would be free to go.

On that battleground, I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. Lancelot was unconscious and Arthur believed the worst about me. In my eyes, I had nothing but their freedom and safety to live for...whether I would ever again be with them or not.

I was facing down my death that day, and I was totally and completely alone. There was no one who could help me then. No one was allowed to interfere. With every wound I sustained and every blow I took, I was reminded that I had caused my husband to lose trust in me. When Gerard knocked me to the ground that last time and stood over me, I knew I was going to die. I was alone with just him and that's how I was going to die. There was no one there to hold me as my life's blood drained away.

I had never ever felt more alone than I had in that moment.



Word Count: 509
Muse: Guinevere
Fandom:"King Arthur"; Misc Movies and Mythologies

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