[Locked to KA Muses] Awakening

[loved_by_two]

Tears trickled silently down Guinevere's cheeks to disappear into the pillow as she listened to her two men talk. She had been conscious for only a short time, but time spent in that hellhole of Marcus' and the Priests had taught her how to regulate her breathing so anyone around her thought that she was still unconscious.

It had come in very handy during that time.

Now, now she did it because Arthur and Lancelot needed this time to talk about what was between them and if they knew she was awake, they would use that as an excuse to stop talking and hover over her.

There were things that Lancelot and Arthur needed to say to each other. Things that they talked around. They both were full of hurt and worry about where each stood in this unique relationship the three of them shared. She listened to them talk in soft voices, voices that in some instances held a wistfulness and she didn't understand how the two of them couldn't see how important they were to each other.

She had often thought over the past few weeks that maybe the next time Arthur came home, she should go and stay with her people for a few days, give Arthur and Lancelot some time to themselves. Maybe if she wasn't around, they would drift closer towards each other and realize how they loved and needed each other.

Although the thought of leaving them for even a few days tore at her, she couldn't see any other way to remove herself from the two of them using her as a shield. She knew that they did this so they didn't have to try to confess their feelings to each other. She understood that some men had problems talking about what was in their hearts, but she had never encountered it first hand.

Arthur and Lancelot were indeed two of the most stubborn men she knew, and they acted like it on more than one occassion, too. It was like they were holding a contest on which one of them could be the most stubborn and stoic when it came to affairs of their hearts.

Stoic was a wondrous trait on the battlefield, but it had no place in affairs of the heart. That's where you got into trouble.

She heard them ask each other questions and it did her heart good to hear them bantering back and forth at each other.

She swallowed slightly, pulling at her healing throat wound and bit back a gasp of pain. She froze, worried that if they had heard her...but no, they kept talking. This was good.

She had been waiting for the two of them to finally realize how important they were to each other...she just hadn't expected that it would take another near-death experience for the two of them to open their eyes.

"...It seems like I've not been as clear about it as I should have been, so I'll make it clear now: you are my strength, Lancelot - you and Guinevere. It seems like I'm not the only one that needs reminding of these kinds of things..."

Guinevere smiled faintly at Arthur's words. Truer words were never spoken. No matter how strong one may be when it comes to war and battle...love and emotions seemed to be a harder thing to get a grasp of. It didn't always make sense, but that's how it was.

It was Lancelot that she heard next. "Do you think she's alright? She's been asleep a long time..." Then Arthur said something which she didn't catch all of, mainly because waking up reminded her of the pain from the battle. "...she should, hopefully, wake up soon..."

It was time to let wake up and alleviate their worry.

She closed her eyes and let out a breath that did pull at her throat and she gasped out loud this time.

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[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

Arthur moved as soon as he'd heard her gasp, putting a hand lightly on Lancelot's shoulder to slow him down before he hurt himself, and was at Guinevere's bedside soon after.

He first wondered at her timing - and then thought that, perhaps, she hadn't really been as deeply asleep as he'd thought. It didn't matter - she was awake now.

He sat slowly, careful not to jostle her about, and brushed the hair from her eyes.

"How are you feeling?" He asked softly, eyes glancing to check on Lancelot once more before focusing on her. "Easy, love - don't strain those injuries anymore."

[loved_by_two]

Guinevere swallowed again, trying to force her voice to work.

"I feel like I've been drug by a set of your war stallions," she whispered faintly. Oh, it hurt to talk.

She closed her eyes to get her bearings. Arthur was here, that was good and...

"Lancelot?" she whispered, afraid of the answer she might get from Arthur.

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

Arthur's lips curled up into a small smile at her immediate worry for Lancelot - and at their similar reply to his question. He nodded to the makeshift bed on the floor and slowly helped her sit up, knowing she'd want to see Lancelot for herself.

"Safe, sound and wide awake, Guinevere."

[loved_by_two]

Guinevere appreciated Arthur's help, because she doubted she could have pulled herself up on her own. She leaned against Arthur as she looked at Lancelot. Her eyes looked him up and down, taking an inventory of all of the injuries and then she stared into his dark eyes.

He was alive. He was alive and he was here with her and Arthur...where he belonged.

"That Saxon bastard is going to pay for every injury you recieved, Lancelot."

She then looked from him to Arthur. "Why is he on the floor?

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

"He was being himself and wouldn't take the bed - let you have it. I didn't really see any reason why you shouldn't both have shared it - but he passed out before anything else could be done."

He smiled at them both, relief clear in his gaze as he looked from one to the other and back again. "I've missed being home," he admitted softly. "I've missed seeing you both."

[loved_by_two]

Guinevere smiled at Lancelot slightly. "He can come up here and rest, too. It's better for his wounds than the floor."

She looked at Arthur and then lay her head against his shoulder as she returned her eyes to Lancelot. She had missed having them both so near.

"We've missed you, as well."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_twoswords_/]

Lancelot smirked lightly as he saw Guinevere stirring.

He simply rose to his feet and walked to where his clothes were. A hand pulled open his door and it reached in to recover a white tunic. This was then pulled on over his head and tugged down to cover up the worst of his injuries. Lancelot was not one for broadcasting such things nor was he one to lie or sit around when he had the use of his legs.

" It's good to see you're awake." He spoke to Guinevere over his shoulder before he shut the door and simply smoothed his palm across the wood. He turned on the heel of his foot and lifted a hand to the necklace that always hung around his neck and adjusted it.

Lancelot disliked being still for too long and he was well enough to move so he was well enough to do something. A life lived in battle had taught him to never stay still not even when he was injured--to do that would be a sure death.

" I'm going to see what they've done with that Saxon bastard." Lancelot spoke as he ran a hand through his hair and flexed his fingers. He covered the distance that seperated him from Guinevere and Arthur and simply leaned down to kiss Guinevere's forehead." Rest well." He then straightened his back and squeezed Arthur's shoulder before he left the room.

Lancelot preferred healing on his own and the Saxon would give him answers. And besides, Guinevere and Arthur could do with some time alone. Who knew when she would see him again after all.

[loved_by_two]

Guinevere had tears in her eyes as she watched the door close behind Lancelot. She didn't understand him leaving like that. It was almost like he was comfortable in the room with Arthur and her...until she regained consciousness.

She sighed, not wanting Arthur to see her tears, but she couldn't help it.

"You ever get the idea you're in the wrong place at the wrong time?" she whispered as tears started slowly slipping down her face.

She struggled to sit up where she could see Arthur's face.

"I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me honestly, alright? Answer me not as the woman who loves you...but as a woman who lives in your kingdom. Can you separate the two and answer me?"

Her eyes were troubled and she was furious with herself. She hadn't shed tears where anyone could see while she was being wounded, but now, now it seemed that it couldn't be helped.

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

"I'll try," Arthur answered, pushing down the hurt and doubt to be dealt with later. Guinevere first - everything else later. "What is it, Guinevere?"

[loved_by_two]

Guinevere swallowed and looked at Arthur. She wanted to run a hand through his hair and carress his face. She took in his eyes that had always expressed so much to her where she had never needed words. She held his hands to her and swallowed painfully as fresh tears started.

"I need you to answer me this..." she looked down and then looked back into his eyes.

"Am I...I mean, has knowing me..." She swallowed again. "Is me being around...here, with you, the two of you..." she sighed and tried again.

"Am I causing problems between you and Lancelot?"

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

"No," Arthur replied swiftly, without hesitating at all. "Things between Lancelot and I...have never been straight forward or easy, Guinevere; it must be hard, being where you are."

He kissed her forehead softly, running a hand lightly through her hair. "I know, from where you are, you might think that, love. I can see why you would - but trust me when I say that Lancelot and I have always had...issues with communication, things have never been easy."

He kisses her forehead again. "Don't think like that, Guinevere. We both need you here now. Sometimes, it's almost like you're what holds us together - and we both love you. Don't ever doubt that."

[loved_by_two]

Guinevere listened to what he was saying and nodded once. It was hard, watching the two men she loved---and whom she knew loved her---dance around each other and try to fit in where they stood with each other.

"There are times that I think that maybe if I were not here, you communication on matters of the heart would come a lot easier." She shook her head careful not to pull any of the muscles of her neck and throat.

"I love you, Arthur. And I love Lancelot. I know that the two of you love me. I also know that two of you love each other. What I don't understand...is why the two of you do things like this at times?"

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

"We've been like this for the last ten, maybe more, years, Guinevere. I don't know why - I can never find the right words to say to him, and we end up just...." He gestured roughly, knowing Guinevere already understood.

"The two of you make up my world - and I can say this to you so easily - but I can't tell him. I want to, but I can't - and I don't know why."

You're my world and I want to make you both happy. However that might be.

[loved_by_two]

"When you are not here, we both talk about you and long for your presence. You are our world. The two of you make up my world and to see either one of you upset or hurting, I get upset and I get worried." She then looked into his eyes. "You almost told him the full bearing of your heart. I heard you..."

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

Arthur smiled a little at the words, mind still not being able to help but think that things had been okay between Guinevere and Lancelot before he'd come back: they'd been talking, they'd been healing - they'd been together.

"It's as close as I've ever come, love - and I still don't think he gets it." He shuffled slightly, pulling Guinevere slightly closer to him, mindful of her injuries.

"I don't want to leave you alone; I'll call him back - and then, I guess I should see to my duties." He sighed. "I don't want to," he added quietly, "but perhaps...."

It's better for all of us if I'm not here.

[loved_by_two]

Guinevere knew him better than he knew himself at times. So, she said the only thing she could think of. She lay against him, listening to his heart beat.

"Arthur...if you leave right now...when there is so much tension with the two of you, I fear it will go badly..."

And I may not be here for awhile when you return.

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

"Guinevere," Arthur started, sighing slightly. "We've sorted out a lot more in the last hour or so than perhaps all our lives."

He pressed a kiss into her hair, before turning and resting his cheek there. "It has to be done," he murmured, closing his eyes and just letting himself relax.

"There isn't anywhere else I want to be other than here, with the two of you."

But I can see it's causing problems and I wouldn't hurt you two for the world. I want to see you happy - and you seem like you're happier when I'm not here.

"You know I'll be back." Eventually.

[loved_by_two]

If it wasn't for the fact that she could read things in his voice, Guinevere might have believed everything he was saying. She was silent for a few moments, just enjoying being held by him and hating that she was going to wreck this tranquil moment that they would probably not get again for some time.

She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. What she saw there made her unhappy.

"You're leaving...for a period of time."

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

"Guinevere," Arthur started and trailed off, knowing that he couldn't lie to her - and so he didn't.

"It has to be done," he said resolutely.For whatever reason, it has to be.

[loved_by_two]

Guinevere stiffened her spine and looked at Arthur for a long moment. Her eyes filled with both fire and with pain.

"I see," she said in that too calm voice she often resorted to when she was feeling a strong emotion.

"Because you do not know how to work things out with Lancelot, you are leaving us..." She moved from Lancelot's bed, even though moving was causing her pain. "After saying you only had a few things to do, now you plan to be away indefinitely..." She stood in the middle of the room and looked at the man she loved. "You do realize that you're being a fool, Arthur..."

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

"Guinevere, please, don't be like this; lay back down," Arthur sighed, standing and moving towards her, but knowing better than to touch her. "I've told you that I swear I'll be back, there are things that need to be done," he dogged stubbornly, knowing he was probably hurting Guinevere.

For the better. They deserve to be happy without a third wheel ruining it all.

"This is home to me, love, I will come back."

[loved_by_two]

Hurting her, hell, he was tearing part of her heart out.

Guinevere stared at him, her face showing him exactly what she was hearing. "You won't be back soon," she whispered painfully. "You'll be back when you think that he and I...or that you no longer have such deep feelings for us..."

Each thought was shredding pieces of her heart away and she couldn't believe this was happening.

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

"No," Arthur replied harshly. "My feelings for you and him will never change, Guinevere - never. I swear to whatever deities listen that it cannot and will not happen." He hesitantly placed a hand on her cheek, watching the pain on her face, heart tearing.

"Without you two, I'm nothing - life wouldn't be worth living. What matters is your happiness, beloved. I'll be back, I swear it - and I'll love you just as much, here or not. That won't change - you two will always be my world.

"Please, Guinevere, please believe me - do not think I love you any less."

[loved_by_two]

Guinevere looked at him, trying to find the words that needed to be said.

"We need you here, Arthur. Your people need you here---especially now!" She shuddered from the pain raising her voice had caused, but she had to get out what needed to be said. "You'll love me just as much, here or not? Damn it, beloved, are you even listening to yourself?"

Guinevere turned and walked to the door, trying not to let him see the physical pain that moving as quickly as she was was doing to her. She turned around and looked at him, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"The two of you are so stubborn and are so much alike," she said. "God, the two of you! You think the same things! The two of them will be happy if I'm not around." Guinevere choked as she tasted blood in her mouth from where she had bitten her lip. Her father was going to be annoyed as she had torn stitches somewhere and she didn't care at this point. "Have either one of you considered talking to the other about what would make you happiest? No. Have either one of you thought to ask me if I would be happy with one of you gone? No!" That last word was a shout and Guinevere rarely raised her voice.

"The two of you are getting so worked up and so lost in what you fear is happening or are worried about happening that you lose sight of everything you have. You each have two people deeply in love with you and instead of taking joy in that, both of you think on how to sabotage it." She swallowed, trying to regain some control. "Maybe sabotage is the wrong word...but neither one of you can be happy and plot on how to make yourselves miserable." She shuddered from pain again. "I love you both, but I don't understand why you both think I would be happiest if one of you went away." She brushed hair from her face.

"Don't the two of you realize that losing one of you would kill me as surely as if that Saxon had cut my throat any deeper?" Guinevere's voice was shaky and she leaned against the door and looked at Arthur. "Both of you make comments about my happiness...but you don't ask me what I want." Her throat convulsed as she swallowed past the pain. "I love you both so much that my life would end if anything happened to you. I love you and if anything happened my world would end. But Arthur..." she looked at him with pain shining deep within her eyes. "I don't want to be the excuse that the two of you use not to communicate. I mean it. I will leave and not come back."

Each word she said shredded Guinevere deeply, but she knew if she didn't say anything, Arthur would leave and he would use her and Lancelot's supposed happiness as an excuse not to come back for a very long time.

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

"Guinevere, you aren't the excuse we use; stop this, please. You need to heal, love - I don't want to be the reason you can't heal; rest now. We can talk about it later." Arthur risked walking quickly to her side, raising a hand and putting it gently on her arm.

Look at you, Arthur Castus...can't do a damn thing without hurting someone, can you?

"We'll talk about this later - whatever happens, I need to find out what's going on. Those Saxons almost killed you and Lancelot, and I'll be damned if I let it happen again. The villagers around here need to know what happened and they need to keep an eye out." He tugger her lightly towards the bed, but she didn't move so he sighed and let her go; she probably wanted to find Lancelot.

"I won't let it happen again; I won't lose either of you." He put a hand on the door handle, ready to go and make preperations and deal with anything else he had to b efore he left again. "I don't know how long it will take, but I'll come back - and I'm hoping you and him will both be here when I do."

It's selfish but I want to see the two of you together.

He sighed again, running a hand through his hair and looked at Guinevere tiredly. "Please find Lancelot? Get him to rest a little. I promise I won't go anywhere without telling you first - I just want to see what I have to clear up. Be with Lancelot now, Guinevere."

Do what I cannot do.

[loved_by_two]

Guinevere stared at him, hating the anger that was hanging in the air. Sighing, she moved to put her arms around him.

"It is not me that he needs comfort and reassurance from right now, Arthur," she said as gently as she could. "He left because he felt that he was intruding on us. He left for the same reason that you will busy yourself elsewhere." She raised a hand to stroke his cheek. "As much as I need you, he needs you as well." She sighed. "I heal better when you are near me, beloved."

[artorius-rex.livejournal.com]

Arthur didn't really answer except to lean into Guinevere's touch, soaking up the feeling he hadn't felt in so long - not really wanting to go away again.

But what he wanted most was their happiness - and he'd seen them together before, and it'd been something of beauty; they'd been together and comfortable - and happy. And then he'd come...and as soon as they'd been awake, Lancelot had left - and Guinevere had cried.

It was better this way - they'd at least be together.

"I'll be back," he whispered again, pulling finally and opening the door. When you are both fully healed, I'll come home because this is not helping you heal - I'm not helping.

"Don't doubt I need you both and love you both, Guinevere - do not doubt me." He pressed a kiss to her forehead before heading out the door. "I'll come and find the two of you before I leave. Go and be with him now, love - and offer what I cannot seem to."

[loved_by_two]

After he left the room, Guinevere simply stood in the middle of the room for a very long time and stared at the closed door. For the second time in a short amout of time, she had watched a man she loved walk out the door and away from her.

She moved to the bed and sat for a moment, trying to still the flow of tears.

She would go find Lancelot because Arthur had asked her to do so.

She would talk to the dark-haired knight.

Then she would make her decision.

Far better for me to tear out my own heart than watch the two of them be hurt any further.