Nov. 15th, 2005

loved_by_two: (Guine Living Life : Dea_Liberty)
Guinevere sat on the highest of the walls and looked down out over the forest. Her hip was still on fire, but she hadn't wanted to go to one of the healers and be faced with them summoning Arthur or Lancelot. She wasn't prepared to deal with the anger again from the two of them. The look from Lancelot and the things Arthur had said to her had made the wound in her heart even deeper. Instead of responding to the hurtful and unkind things Arthur had said to her, she had let him walk away, not letting the tears fall until all of the knights were gone. She had no right to call him back, no right to argue his words. Maybe they were both right about her.

She needed someone to talk to, to confide in, but she couldn't seek out Arthur, obviously. She had already caused him enough pain. From the way she saw things in the meeting, Lancelot wouldn't want to see her right now, and Tristan...as much as she loved him like a brother, his first loyalty would always be to Arthur and the knights, and she could respect that. In fact, she wouldn't have it any other way. She didn't think Galahad would even want to talk to her...and she definitely couldn't go to Vanora. She thought briefly of seeking out Evelyn, but she was very much focused on trying to find a way to get her and her husband back to their own time. She wasn't sure she could send for her father and confide in him as his disappointment in failing in her duty as first woman of their people would be the final blade in her heart.

She was very much alone right now. She didn't think she had felt so alone since the time she had to decide if her love for Lancelot or her duty to the kingdom meant more to her.

That time...that time she had chosen love...and look at the tension it had caused between her and those she loved. Again, she had thought that she was doing something to help and it had almost gotten Lancelot killed.

Guinevere shook her head and leaned on the wall. The night was chilly, but she didn't want to return to her rooms and get changed into something besides the bloody battle leathers she was wearing. Arthur would be in his study and she just couldn't deal with more hurt from him right now---especially since she knew she deserved his anger. She would just storm in and confront him and...make things worse. There were reasons she was a warrior and not a healer. She would only end up hurting him more and she couldn't bear to do that, not to Arthur. The last thing she had ever wanted to was hurt Arthur...or make him feel that she didn't want to be with him. She loved him so much and to know that she had made him feel alone...that made her ill.

She hung her head and tried to make sense out of everything that had happened in the last few weeks.


She had never felt more out of place here than she did now. )

Profile

loved_by_two: (Default)
Guinevere Castus-DuLac

April 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
234 5678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 23rd, 2017 02:44 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios